Like, Seriously, Like, Seriously, Like, Seriously

And then I like seriously, seriously like seriously did you know, some serious likely shit.

Yes... "I'm in Diego, BITCH"

So, it's October already... SHIT! Now let's see what I've learned since my last post. I can't include too many pictures here because, honestly, I haven't made any. I forgot to take my camera on many occasions... So now you'll never know whether I really fought off the three-headed fish that attacked me when I was cooking a bagel during a steaming hot make-out session with 4 intelligent Californian girls and Godzilla. You'll have to take me on my word.

..OK, the three-headed fish and Godzilla are believable, me cooking a bagel could happen, but I overdid it on Californian intelligence. Yes, there are intelligent Californian girls, but definitely not 4 of them. And certainly not in California.

In my epic adventure in and around the UCSD campus and the USA, I can only come up with so many things to bitch about. One is legislation, but we're on even terms now, the other one is native retardation. Most people here have already concluded (after meeting me) that the country now known as the Netherlands must have split off of California right when it was at its most relaxed, and drifted lazily to Europe where it got known as 'The Netherlands'. Not only do I sound and act like a native Californian - I'm starting to like it.

To come back to the 'retardation'. I didn't come to California to tell American people that their country sucked on oh so many levels, neither did I come to sit in my room and read books about bagels and donuts all day (which is happening now, but that's a different story). I also didn't come to boast about my own 'liberal and progressive' mess of a Westen-European country, nor to impress some bimbo's with 'ik hou van jou'. What I díd come for was to try and pierce through the veil of European misconceptions about American culture. I also came to eat a lot of hamburgers and watch Female American Football.

Now, I'm getting my fair share of hamburgers and even a glimps of football - and some people are very coureageous in attempting to dispel the image of 'gluttonous imbecile' that so many Europeans share about Americans. Honestly, I'm in California, and at UCSD you're either Asian or you wear white socks, sneakers, go to the gym every day and then talk politics over cold beer with your friends. Asians with white socks and sneakers join Asian frats and I haven't figured out yet what they're up to.

My questions about the Californian female population remain unanswered (usually they go:"WHY?!! GOD, WHY?!!") but I have gained a lot of insight on the other aspects of American culture. With absolutely no exclusions, Californians share the same opinion: whatever's 'bad' and 'American' must come from the South. Problem identified - yet not solved. Now, I must travel to Texas and Mississippi to get into contact with the 'interesting' people.

California is the shit, but I didn't have to tell you that. It is mindblowingly gorgeous, people are laidback, the food is superb, and you can surf and snowboard in the same 24 hour stretch in absolutely amazing spots. It's a little piece of heaven with lame rules and hilarious dialogue. Picture 30 people in a patch of trees close to the ocean, 10.30 PM, with a keg of beer.

Dude: "SO, you're Dutch?!"

Me: "Yep"

Dude: "SHIIIIIIIT, YOU ARE GONNA GET SOOOO MUCH ASS!!!"

Me: "..."

Situation two. Close to a hundred people crammed in a living room, loud music with bad sound quality, beerpong, and a few cases of Coors.

Dude 2: "SO, you're Dutch?!"

Me: "Yep"

Dude 2: "SHIIIIIIIT, YOU ARE GONNA GET SOOOO MUCH ASS!!!"

Me: "..."


At first, these conversations appeared really, really flattering. Was it because I was Dutch, or because of me, or was this a standard way of greeting strangers here in the states? After having the same conversation with about 10 different dudes, I had to conclude it was a mix between the last and the willingness of American girls. *sigh*

Though Maddox's Alphabet of Manliness states clear rules concerning these matters, I have to take a step back from some practices here. I'm dying to go to a party where I can drink my beer befóre getting raped, thank you. And guess what - you don't even have to do anything to gain this Axe-effect position. Absolutely nothing. Just wear a big badge that says EAP-Reciprocity student and watch your favorite commercials unfold in real life. This is MADNESS! Nope, this is Cali.

I live in I-House though - full of people who can't get their head around this strange American mating phenomenon. This relatively secluded population attracts a lot of party people (read: Freshmen) who think they can go 'liberal' on our asses and puke all over the living room (after trying to rape you). Needless to say, at these parties I sit in the corner with my iPod pretending to be a DJ (apparently I did that at home as well with actual DJ equipment) and drink myself to shits while I watch my friends being dragged away by some trollop going OMG LIKE THATS THE CUTEST ACCENT EVERRRRRR.

I fuckin love California :)

Here's what you wake up next to if you refuse rape.





I'm out. Next comprehensive update: TOMORROW!